I Was Stalked for 2 Decades Before It Was a Crime

While I was back, I began dating Greg, a football player I’d been friends with during college. After just three months, he was recruited by the New England Patriots and asked me to move to Boston with him. Greg made me feel safe, and that’s all I thought about — living without feeling terrified every day. I left everything — my career, my hopes, my entire life — because I’d been robbed of my sense of peace and comfort.

For six years, Greg and I moved around the country as he was picked up by several NFL teams. In January of 1990, we were living in Menlo Park, California, close to where I grew up, and I let my guard down since nothing was in my name and I kept a low profile. One day, I opened my door to retrieve a pizza from a delivery guy — and it was John. He said nothing and drove off in his car as I stood there frozen. I called the pizza parlor and they confirmed that he was one of their employees. There were no limits to him tormenting me and nothing I could do to stop him. I’d see him driving in the neighborhood or parked outside my house. Each time he was caught, he’d spend a few months in jail and be released, and then the cycle would continue.

When Greg left for spring training, I decided to stay in my house. If I heard a noise outside, I slid out of bed on my stomach and crawled down the hallway to the back window to see if John was there. I was always thinking of his next move, even as I slept. One night, I dreamt that he was in my house with a gun, and the next afternoon, I turned around to find John standing behind me in my house with a knife. As terrifying as it was, I’d been preparing for that moment for eight years. I was done living like a hunted animal.

“We need to talk,” I said. That immediately threw him off balance, and he became very nervous. I knew my way out was to talk to him like a friend. When my phone rang, I told him, “Everybody knows you're missing, and they're calling to check on me. You need to let me answer.” He let me pick up the call. It was my mom, and when she’d ask me a question, I’d say something completely different so she’d know something was wrong. “Is John there?” she asked, and I said yes. She hung up and called 911.

A police officer then called me, and a divine power guided me as I talked to her like she was a real estate client I was trying to sell a house to. She instructed me to coax John out of the house to avoid a hostage situation, so I told him I would go away with him. In my garage, John tied my hands together. As the police swarmed the outside of the house, I saw an officer waving to me behind the fence. I shut my eyes, sprinted and hurdled the fence. I was in shock but finally safe.

In the months after the incident, I had extreme anxiety and developed a fear of flying. I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and worked hard to regain control of my life. John took a plea and was sentenced to eight years and 10 months for attempted kidnapping. I gave a victim impact statement at his sentencing. I didn’t want him to know how much he had affected my life, but I wanted the judge to change the sentencing from attempted kidnapping to kidnapping. Since he had held me in my house, he was charged with the lesser crime based on a technicality. Halfway through my statement, the judge cut me off and said, “The sentence stands.”

Weeks later, I was contacted by U.S Representative Ed Royce, who was a California state representative at the time. He had seen me on the news and asked if I would tell my story to help pass the first anti-stalking laws. When I read my speech in front of the state senate, you could have heard a pin drop. The law passed unanimously. That day was a turning point for me. I became the spokesperson for the anti-stalking laws, appearing on daytime talk shows and training first responders on how to work with victims of stalking.

In 1992, I launched my company, SafetyChick Enterprises, to teach women and girls about personal safety from a female perspective. My mission is to change the way that personal safety is marketed to women.

Today, I live a full life as a public speaker, businesswoman and mom to three grown boys. And instead of constantly looking over my shoulder, I’m now looking ahead.

Resources:
The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center
National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Sexual Assault Hotline