I Was an Anti-Vaxxer: Here’s What Changed My Mind

Every once in a while, though, I would start Googling again and think, "Did I make the right decision?" Then I'd go hunting for evidence supporting why vaccines were dangerous. And I'd go, "OK, I made the right decision I think for now." Then six months later, the same question would enter my mind.

But it wasn't until a colleague I greatly admired called out my choice not to vaccinate that I truly started to waver. I confided in her because I thought she would be sympathetic, since she had a similar upbringing to mine. Instead, she responded in anger at the reasons behind my decision and said they were ill-informed and lacked evidence.

I greatly cared what she thought and was embarrassed. Until then, I was content in my bubble with people who shared the same views. My colleague was the first person who had the courage to be blunt with me and say, "Hey, I totally disagree with that decision; that kind of makes me mad that you made that decision." Her words kept ringing in my ears and started to compete with what I was getting from Google.

A few months later, the rotavirus hit our family. My kids — then 5 and 2 — would sit on the toilet crying. At first, I thought it was a 24-hour stomach flu, but a couple days went by and we weren't getting better. I called the doctor and described our symptoms. He concluded that it was rotavirus and was connected to our kids not being vaccinated. With my colleague's words still in my head, it slowly dawned on me that we could have avoided rotavirus because there's a vaccine for it.

That was around the time the measles outbreak hit California, and people were getting seriously ill. That was another reason for me to pause and question my decision.

That spring, I returned to Google with another vaccine question. The last time I searched, I asked, "What is dangerous about vaccines, and what are the potential harms of vaccinating?" This time, I typed, "What are the benefits of vaccines? Why are vaccines safe?" The evidence was substantial.

A couple of days later, I called a new pediatrician and explained my family's situation. She was very understanding. Instead of berating me for my decision, she asked me, "What do you want to do? What's the plan?" Together, we worked out a vaccine schedule to get my kids caught up. At the first appointment, I initially wanted to tiptoe into it. My mind changed once I saw that they had no side effects and, after the first couple vaccinations, they weren't afraid. Within a few months, they were all caught up.

If I'm going to stand on a soapbox about anything related to this topic, it's that it's understandable that parents are worried about vaccines. You take a healthy newborn and inject them with chemicals with long, scary-sounding names that you don't understand what they are, and it can be frightening. But the approach shouldn't be to shame those people into compliance. It should be to present them with knowledge and evidence that show vaccines are safe.

People with their heels completely dug in are not going to change their minds, no matter what anybody says. But the on-the-fence people are reachable, and we should make every effort to reach them — with kindness and empathy.

It would have made all the difference for me.

This resource was created with support from Merck and Pfizer.